I guess I’ve always had an unhealthy relationship with sex. Even from quite a young age I was in such a rush to get on with it lost all meaning.
I am not afraid to admit that I’ve had my share of experiences in my life (some I’m not so proud of ) but all have made me the person I am I guess.
I’ve always been a people pleaser, even putting some else before myself on far too many times which can result in being portrayed as someone you are not.
I used to use sex to get people to like me (mainly men) but I quickly realised they were liking me for the wrong reasons. It’s a habit I have been trying to break for many many years and I would like to think I’ve got more control over it that I used to have.
Enjoyment and orgasms is something I didn’t experience for many years as I found a connection was required for me rather than just a quick fumble around. Most men seem to be in a rush to just get on with it and don’t really give much thought to if you are enjoying it too (its really more about them getting their rocks off). Which as a result I struggled to achieve the overall goal for myself until recently. I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t managed to achieve it on my own because I have but having that experience with someone else was a new discovery.
The emotional and mental connection of orgasming with someone is very very intense, something I don’t even think I can put into words.
Being in a long-term relationship for 6 years with someone I thought I loved and never really having an orgasm is something I battled with for a while. I thought for a while I was broken but since splitting, I have realised he just didn’t do it for me (that’s not to say I didn’t orgasm but with Electrical assistance if that makes sense). Don’t get me wrong he was a lovely guy but he didn’t get my juices flowing as he should have done, he would have done anything to please me sexually but if other parts of the relationship are lacking, I guess the sex is going to suffer as a result too.
In the last year I’ve found my self experimenting with what actually turns me on, something I thought I already knew, turns out I was wrong.
Like most women in 2019 we have been exposed to the twisted tales of 50shades all expecting a man to know what he’s doing with a flogger (if you find this man, he is a unicorn), or have a red room rather than an Xbox. The reality is for most women we just want to passion that Christian grey showed for Anna, not the beatings or the being tied up we want to feeling that someone can be totally engaged with you mentally and sexually.
Originally, I always thought I enjoyed being dominated, tied up, spanked etc. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy those things because it is exciting but it has its limits before it becomes humiliation.
What I’ve found I enjoy more is pure passion. I’m talking the unrelenting desire to be engaged with someone completely in that moment. Being equal and taking each other’s movements, breathing and signs of enjoyment into consideration. Rather than thinking “shall I do this?” “would he like this” its all about communication. Tell him where on your body you like to be touched, what position is the most pleasurable for both, eye contact, facial expressions (lets face it no man looks attractive when he cums and I’m sure it’s the same for us girls!), what fantasies you have, what sort of thing he likes (your not always going to be on the same page every time unless your damn lucky which I have to say I have been very recently).
