Ill be perfectly honest and say that life has gotten away from me these last few weeks, what with work, gym and trying to have a life unfortunately it all comes at a cost. That cost will always be my mental health and my eating habits.
I’m the first to admit I don’t look after myself very well a lot of the time, lunch every now and again or forgetting to eat dinner after the gym. Unfortunately, this is happening all too often that I think its actually become a problem. My body responds to stress in a way that scares me. I will have a constant feeling of nausea, random vomiting and sporadic tummy upset.
Now I know most people will say get over it or just eat something but I want you to understand its not always that easy. I don’t like physically being sick (it makes me very emotional) and the thought of not being able to do the things I love because there is a fear I may vomit or even worse makes me not want to eat. Sometimes I will get so hungry I will have something but 95% of the time it will have to be something I like to eat e.g pizza. The problem with that is it can very easily make that food a trigger for my sickness= no more love of pizza and to be quite honest with you I never want to live in a world where pizza is bad.
So, what I do is I try to drink/consume calories in the means of shakes or hot drinks with lots of sugar or even fizzy drinks. Which again I know isn’t healthy (I’m not looking for advice I’m just looking for people to understand that it isn’t as simple as one would think). These quick fixes can only last so long before I become physically and mentally exhausted which is essentially what is happening at the moment. Concentration becomes lax, interest in doing activities is limited and I can honestly think of nothing better than having a nap on my sofa, I’m not naive and think this is how I’m going to live the rest of my life. I know that I have to make changes to give myself the best chance.
When I think about it, I don’t ever remember having cravings for food like others do, like when your friend says let’s have a Chinese and its all you can think about until you have it. Don’t get me wrong I like all kinds of food but I wouldn’t be all that bothered if I couldn’t have a Chinese again in my life and that is where I think the base of the problem lies. Would you be that bothered if you couldn’t have something you didn’t mind ever again???? Most people wouldn’t be that bothered. So here I am fighting an invisible battle alone.
I'm sure food and I will find a happy balance at some point so do not worry I will not perish. it's a long road ahead of me but I will fight it with everything I have. 💕
