Being brought up from a stable happy relationship has given me ideas/thoughts as to what a relationship should be. I’ve always been taught you are equal. A man is no more important than a woman you are a team. Unfortunately, we currently live in a throwaway society which it seems its easier to give up than to keep trying to work through it. I’m not saying that you should stay with someone just to keep others happy but what I am saying is that I can assure you I will have given 110% before I leave as most people should.
There are so many different levels of dating which just confuse me for example-
· Seeing each other (not exclusive)
· Seeing each other (exclusive)
· Committed relationship
· Open relationship
· Messaging (this could mean anything)
· Dating (occasionally meeting up)
· Friends with benefits (fuck buddy)
Those are to name a few and to be quite honest with you I think it’s all ridiculous.
Let’s be honest if your spending time with someone you should give them all of your attention, I don’t know why so many people want to keep their options open (keeping the dreaded TINDER app).
Its so hard to try and create something that most people don’t understand in 2019. The problem is we have been so spoilt for choice. We literally have thousands of potential matches at our finger tips that we feel settling for one would be a silly option so we continue on our constant circle of dating & heartbreak. Its hard enough to love yourself into today's society let alone find someone to commit to without fear of being replaced when they get bored.
I can tell you the fear of feeling good enough is very real. Am I his type? Should I message him? Should I share a picture of the two of us? Will he get pissed off if we are seen together? All of these questions plus so many more plague us women constantly. I tend to find women are more loyal than men when it comes to a relationship.
Now that’s not me saying men are cheaters because both sexes are equally as guilty but what I am saying is women require clarity certainly more often than men with regards to relationship status and women are more likely to put a label on it before the man. Men tend to want to play the field but also want all of the attention and affection that comes with being in a relationship with the flexibility to sleep with who they want without guilt of being in a committed relationship.
I wish more people took my approach. I work with a very open-minded approach. If I am talking to you (over messager, whatsapp, whatever) then it is currently a friendship. If we meet for a date and have a connection we are dating casually. if I am spending time with you (regularly) then I can say I am only spending time with you romantically (no one else).
I’m not naive to think that everyone will work on my theory’s but wouldn’t it be easier if we just said from the start what we want. Or if you genuinely have no idea what you want tell people “the door is open to whatever comes my way”. Don’t be so quick to look for non-commitment or vice versa because forcing things just doesn’t work.
I guess everyone has different thoughts on what a good relationship should be.
Mine is having someone I can talk to about anything, someone who remembers that little things mean more to me than extravagant gestures, makes me feel safe, doesn’t just tell me im beautiful but makes me feel like I am, takes my thoughts into consideration, support one another’s wants & dreams and try to make each other better.
Its not that hard to get I’m sure but insecurity’s will always creep in and ruin it for me by making me over protective of my feelings and make me leave before getting hurt.